Boys just want to play dolls

How children are dealing with having everything listed as to-do and not-to-do based on their gender

"Kevin, put that sissy’s doll down right now! Come join your brothers on the field!”

The 5-year-old boy drops the Barbie to the ground as his mother catches him cutting out glitter fabric for his new found toy. Before she could lash out another insult, Kevin tucks the doll behind his sketches and tails along, eyes still wet and lips quivering. He knows enough not to object to those little football matches this time. He can’t risk losing his precious collection again, the one his family labelled “for girls only” with a pout.

For long, children have had everything listed out as to-do and not-to-do for them based on their gender. Boys play sports and take the role of superhero. Crying, wearing pink, and playing dolls are forbidden by their parents and laughed at by their peers.

Gender stereotypes are passed from generations to generations and root deep in our modern minds. Girls are taught to be dependent on men to the point where any act of dominance is considered inappropriate. Boys, on the other hand, are expected to grow up to be those men – building the family, protecting women; and of course, no room for weakness. No parents want their boys to be seen anything less than masculine.

Just spend a day at a local secondary school to see how this mindset takes its toll on our children. Scenes in which boys wearing dresses are pushed against lockets and locked up in toilets do not just happen in coming-of-age movie. On a mediocre and common level, it is easy to spot kids breaking the boys’ dress code sitting in class or having lunch alone, or being pointed and giggled at. On sports field, boys who score the same point as a girl should expect to be teased by the whole team and have insulting nicknames following them until their graduation.

Little boys like Kevin may grow up to be Travis Corr – a 15-year-old boy who was gifted in fashion designing, but committed suicide in May 2012. Police found him victim of school violence due to his long hair that got bullies calling him a girl. Piles of fashion sketches and fantasy drawings were left behind, and a dream was left unfinished.

Because our society teaches kids like Travis that it’s not okay to do differently from their male fellows, and teaches the other kids that it’s okay to bully those who do differently. Other boys may not have such tragic ending, but they grow up witnessing their dream paths being blocked when they are refused the same opportunities as girls. We have been killing our children’s creativity and originality ever since we answer their question “Why can the girls do it but I cannot?” with “Because you are a boy”.

Le Thanh Nhien (2016)